And just like that ...
Updated: Nov 11, 2021
It is Fall! Autumn, I like to call it. My favorite season of all the seasons. It is a very subtle season here in central FL, but you can definitely feel it in the air, in people and their moods, in the retail shelves and in the glorious night sky! I will also mention, the email ads, the snail mail propaganda and all the social media blitz advertising, reminding us, as expected. Do they think we don't know what time of year it is? When the night sky is so very clear and filled with constellations we can see, when the crescent moon and 3 planets are lined up like a parade, when the air is crisp and clean, it's clearly and definitely autumn here in our hemisphere.
Anyways, October is a messed up month for me. The whole Breast Cancer awareness thing just keeps things a bit stirred up in my inner chi. For reference, I went through a Breast Cancer diagnosis on September 28, 2019. I had a lot of decision making to do, and on November 11, 2019 I had a bi-lateral mastectomy. I experienced radiation treatments for 6 weeks, January thru February, 2020 and in August 2020 I was blessed with having the expanders exchanged for implants. I have thanked God, the Universe and my lucky stars every day since the diagnosis when I wake up and have another day to celebrate being on this earth and loving every one I can, in whatever way I can. I am healthy, I am blessed. I have wonderful family and friends who love me and keep me taken care of and strong. But I don't/won't talk about it, and I'm horrible at sharing my health journey. Unless you are going through it, then I will hold your hand and tell you anything you want to know. Call me if you are facing the journey.
Otherwise, it's really personal. For as much as I love to share other things, I don't share this. Kind of baffling, even for me. Just looking at me in this photo rattles my guts. ( I don't know who the photo bomber is, but I love his smile and the fact that he looks like he has an angel's wing ~ many unexplained things happen around illness and miracles) It was hard, ya'll, the hardest thing I've ever done to date. It still makes me tear up instantly. And that's all I have to say about that. So long October. Hello November, the month to recognize gratitude.
Thank you for what I've learned through the experience! I am not the same in so many ways. For one thing, I have perky boobs! Total bonus. :-) I've learned how to say "no, thank you" and not feel guilty or haunted by it. I've stopped judging people, places and things, although I have not stopped voicing my concerns if I really feel something is not ethical, honorable or loving. I have stopped biting my tongue if I really don't agree with something. I've learned the importance and sheer necessity of boundaries. I'm grateful for my new self. And I'm trying so hard to stay toxin free.
But on the self assessment side, I'm frustrated with what I haven't put first and foremost and am hoping I can remedy that, now that autumn has arrived. Maybe it was Covid. Maybe the horrid radiation healing. Maybe aging? Maybe forced retirement? Maybe I'm lazy! Maybe it's all of that. Something has kept me unusually stuck in sedentary mode. I feel like I've been trying to trudge through waist high mud. I want that to be over now.
So first and foremost, I'd love to get my formatted book to press. Some absolutely lovely Pickleball friends recently blessed with a gift of appreciation that will fund this venture. I am both astounded at the generosity and speechless with gratitude because I honestly could not even fathom how I was going to fund this project.
I am sure we are all questioning whether that is EVER going to happen at all since all I've done is just talk about it. But behind the scenes there have been hundreds of hours of work. I've written, re-written (several times), edited, re-edited, formatted, marinated, and proofed a book. I've chosen photos I think best suit the content, then second guessed them so much that I put them all back in the massive stack of possibles and started over again. I've worked laboriously on a cover art design that I love and desperately hope will be a "pick me!" cover for the reader, but have yet to settle on the final shading (of all things! throwing shade on my own work - how's that for perfect irony?!). With each step of the process I take a step back to rest and reassure myself that I can do this, it is ok to do this, and someone, some where will benefit by my doing this.
Perfectionist much? Do you ever over think? Or procrastinate?
Whomever out there is thinking about writing a book, please know there is so much more to it than putting pen and words on paper. (or typing to keypad). It is a soul baring, heart wrenching, booty clenching process. And, of course, that would be what I've chosen to do.
Today I am purchasing the ISBN numbers that you need to publish your work and keep it as your own. And by week's end I will have the photos inserted in the formatted book, "if the good Lord's willing and the creek don't rise" (a Don Taylor, my daddy, quote).
So I ask you, if you don't mind too terribly, I would most assuredly appreciate any and all good thoughts you could send for me to just get over myself and finish this thing!!
Blessings and gratitude to you all!
Recovering perfectionist, over thinking procrastinator,
Cheri Glover, author