Hands up if you have had some adjusting as the world comes back to life outside of your homes! What has been an extreme time of self introspection, zoom education and shoulder shrugging resignation is slowly, but surely heading into another phase. Thank God, Goddess, and all the names we use to give gratitude. I woke up today with giving thanks on my heart. Lots of thanks, very heavy heart.
Coffee with the cats this morning was full of "let's review" moments. There we were, sitting on the sofa with strong, deliciously perfect coffee in hand, listening to the rain and just being. I don't often allow myself that luxury, seems like I'm always doing something else. But this morning was filled with all the feels!
I've been stuck. Finally, this morning I woke up free from those ugly insecurities I've been struggling with. I know they'll resurface because that's the way it goes. But while they're on hiatus, I'm going to move through the veil and go with my gut.
I've watched several of my friends who've recently written a book or controversial blog posts, or done anything successfully and uniquely different go through some unbelievable mean and hateful criticism. And I just do not have the capacity to fall prey to that noise. So, I was just waiting until I could sort through it all.
When we became a REALLY judgmental society, I got lost. These men and women had the bravado to write their books, choreograph their dances, design their clothing, make their wholesome food. And people "out there" chose to attack them for it. They said horrid things, wrote scathing reviews and expressed their most solemn distaste because the people who have the talent and the gifts had the audacity to share their dreams. Why?
One of the book writers on IG has had people reaching out to her to tell her she is a terrible writer and no one will read her story. She's made a living writing blogs since 2007. She is most definitely NOT a terrible writer, and I totally waited for her book release on runner's blocks! Another really good writer who I've been able to study with has people trying to steal his social media accounts and write as if they are he. What? And tragically, a very gifted young choreographer in the ballet world was shunned on allegations alone of "conduct unbecoming". He was taken off the programs and no one would work with him for fear of being eaten alive by the critics. The choreographer was a GENIUS. He committed suicide last week. What has happened to us? No forgiveness, no understanding, no "handle with care" stamps any more? No human compassion, only judgements? And none of this had anything at all to do with politics, race or gender discrimination, so don't go there.
In response to what I am seeing, reading and hearing, my fear monger boldly raised his ugly head and advised me against moving forward with my book. Because WHY IN THE WORLD would I expose myself to that kind of negativity?!? I'm just going to say, it's a tangled web we live in. And the pandemic has not helped people with their social skills, manners, or empathy. Nor has it helped us with our coping skills. Anxiety anyone?
So, here I am ... braving the elements, the opinions of others, the freedom of speech and the right to share my book. I wrote it, I edited it (for ever and ever), It's been copy edited, proof read and traveled all over the United States for beta readers (thank you ALL).
It is MY story. I am proud of it. (mostly I'm proud of surviving the real story, but you'll see when you read it). I am going on the hope that just one person will be able to survive a similar situation because (s)he read that I did. And maybe another person will be grateful for at least having a story to read on their Kindle or a new book to hold. And maybe no one will read it. Who knows!
Instead of fearing the consequences and the feedback, I'm going to look forward to getting to the finish line of one of my dreams. Hey, the end is the beginning!
I am going to keep hope in my heart, for all of us.